Sometimes a post just begs to be written. Take it or leave it, but I just had to get this out there.

For the last couple of days, my kids have been sick. I’ve navigated new waters, and have stepped into the sea of crazy as I care for two kids with fevers and congestion. Jase’s fever has been going on longer than Basye’s. Whenever he has a fever, I am on edge. He has a history of febrile seizures, which is really frightening. I’ve been so effected by this, I even started counseling.

There’s a determination in my heart and mind to overcome fear, whether or not my circumstances change. If you struggle with fear, you know there always is, and always will be something to fear. There’s always going to be circumstances, so my journey of overcoming has been about grasping onto Jesus in a brand new way.

Scripture is a huge part of the fight. It’s one of my main weapons. Recently I’ve been stuck on the word trust. There are many verses that talk about not fearing, but trusting. I wanted to get to the bottom of it, the meaning of trust. What does it actually mean, and how am I supposed to do it? What I learned was, TRUST IS NOT SCARY!

All my life whenever trust has been a topic, it’s been described by scary things like “trust falls”. Who wants to close their eyes, cross their arms over their chest, and fall off a chair backwards into a group of people? (For that matter, who wants to catch them?) That is not at all like trusting Jesus! Trust has usually been associated with negative feelings until this week. I specifically dove into the verse Psalm 112:7, “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.” There it is. The answer to not fearing is trust. GAH! What does that even mean?

I did some digging into the original Hebrew word (This is another blog post, but I have my “Uncle” Jim to thank for giving me the resources to study the original language, and to teach me how! I could have saved thousands of dollars and skipped Bible college.;). What I found was in the original language, trust means to “move quickly for refuge, be bold, careless, put confidence, make hope”.  WOW. To trust literally means to move quickly to Jehovah for refuge. There I can be careless, He is where I can put my confidence, He is the one I put my hope in.

It probably won’t blow your mind like it has blown mine because this is a very personal journey between Jesus and me, but I hope you can find some encouragement, at the very least. When I step into the reality of trust, it means I race to Jesus for refuge where it’s so safe and so peaceful and so not scary.

Practically speaking, this week as Jase’s fever has climbed and dropped, climbed and dropped, I have been boldly running to Jesus. With His peace, I attended a beautiful writer’s retreat, and a birthday party for a teen. Normally I would never leave Jase’s side when he has a fever for fear he would have a seizure, but I am learning how to practically live out trust. When I physically walk out in obedience, my trust in Jesus grows. He hasn’t let me down, and I know He won’t. This has been very real.

I should also mention, I have asked several friends to pray for me through this time. When I find myself drowning in fear, I send out texts or a Facebook message and ask friends to bring me to the throne. Prayer seriously works. He hears. He listens. In him we can unscarily trust. And there’s no falling off a chair involved!