“Humble yourselves, therefore under
God’s mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxieties
on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

In September of 2014, I was
diagnosed with a concussion after taking a basketball to the back of the head
in gym class. (Haha! Pathetic right?!) At the time, I was told the concussion
was minor, and in a few weeks I would be as good as new. After several days off
from school, three dropped classes, quitting my seven year commitment to the
swim team, physical therapy, turning my back on God, two years of headache
medicine, and much more, I can now say this concussion was anything but
minor. It changed my entire life.

Because of the way my brain reacted
to the injury, I experienced more anxiety than ever. I have struggled with
anxiety since elementary school- panic attacks, stomach aches, the whole bit.
A few weeks afterwards, I had lost ten pounds because I was so sick. I cried
daily because I was so stressed, and I had abandoned my faith because I
believed God had abandoned me. All of this was due to my brain naturally overproducing
cortisol (the “fight or flight” hormone).

 For the first time in my life, I hit rock
bottom. I was crippled by fear, exhausted, and doubtful of God. I didn’t trust
anyone, I was pessimistic, and I was bitter. I was convinced I had met my end.

The months following the concussion
are a blur. I don’t remember my sixteenth birthday or celebrating Christmas, so
I can’t really speak to how I coped or made it to “the light at the end of the
tunnel”. However, I do remember telling my mom two things throughout the process.
I told her in excessive detail, God didn’t love me. She would tell you it
broke her heart to see me turn from my faith, and doubt God’s love. However, I
wholeheartedly believed he didn’t love me. I believed he took everything I had worked for
and wanted. I also thought he stopped responding to my prayers and left me in silence. I was lonely
and afraid. I don’t know how I made it back to salvation, except that God’s
grace covered me and welcomed me back with open arms, and my mom never stopped
praying for me. It was under God’s mighty hand I was lifted up.

Secondly, I constantly cried to her I was broken. Now, if you know anything about me, you know I am not one to
cry. The word “robot” comes to mind ;). I would lie on the floor, tears
streaming down my face, staring up at the woman who had supported me through everything,
and I would desperately beg her to fix me, to put my pieces back together, to
make me “normal”.  Looking back, I surely
wasn’t wrong about my brokenness. Realizing this and realizing I needed help
truly humbled me.

My parents did everything to help
me recover. I was soon diagnosed with anxiety at the pediatrician and put on a medication.
The medicine helped me take control of my life and helps me cope with everyday
stressors. As I regained my strength, I had to re-learn how to trust. By
attending counseling at my church, I slowly began to trust God with my
anxieties again. I can cast them on Him because He really does care for me.
Weekly therapy sessions left me with raw emotions, vulnerable, and terrified
someone would find out my secret of being so broken. It was through these
months I learned the importance of God’s perfect timing.

Today, I am still broken. I still
battle anxiety and fear, but I am now unashamed of the works He is doing in me.
The Lord will be victorious. Let us
not be overcome with the shame of our brokenness, but instead use it to
encourage our neighbors. Without the grueling experience of a concussion, I
would not currently stand in the same place of reliance and confidence in God.

1 Peter 5:6-7 reads, “Humble
yourselves, therefore under God’s mighty hand that he may lift you up in due
time. Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.”

We serve a God who uses us as we
are, but loves us enough not to leave us there. I encourage you to remain
faithful to Him because he is faithful despite our unworthiness.

God continues to fight the devil
for my anxious heart daily, but I am now equipped and stronger than ever to
fight with Him.