This is an unexpected post, to say the least. Last week I had promised a
post on finding joy in mothering during those trying times, and I will
follow through. But today, there is a pressing situation happening in my life I
must write about. It is currently Saturday, March 5, but this will be
published on Tuesday, March 8.

A few days ago, I had my regular one year exam with my gynecologist.
Normally I’m not too concerned over these appointments. I’ve always been the
kind to take charge of my health. I like to know what’s happening with my body,
and why. I like to get professional evaluations. I like the peace of mind. I
need it.

 I had actually seen this same doctor over 2 months ago for pain I was
having in my chest. At the time, based on my exam and the type of symptoms I
was having she credited the pain to a muscular issue. I had been scared to
death I had breast cancer. She tried to reassure me that was not her concern,
but I still felt uneasy.

 For the last 2-3 months I have been dealing with this same pain, and
trying to reassure myself it was a chest muscle issue from hauling two heavy
babies around so often. Yet it has been a constant battle of worry, fear, and
anxiety at the thought of having cancer. As the pain has persisted, fear
has driven it’s ugly claws deeper and deeper into my mind. Which brings me to
my appointment this past week.

I shared with my doctor nothing has changed, she did another exam, and
everything checked out normal again. Only this time she said the word that shot
anxiety into the depths of my soul. Mammogram. All I could think was, “I
knew it. Cancer.” Even though she kindly told me, “I don’t want you
losing sleep over this, I just want to be thorough.” I felt nothing but
fear. Panic. Utter hopelessness. I’ve even had mammograms in the past, and
they’ve been fine, so the actual test doesn’t bother me. It’s the potential of
what they could find.

 I went to set up an appointment at the front desk, and was able to get
one for later that same morning. I was relieved! I would be able to get it over
with, and enjoy my weekend. I wouldn’t have to deal with the frightening
unknowns, but could face it head on, right away. Unfortunately when I got in
the car, the scheduling woman called and told me my appointment had already
been taken by someone else. I wanted to scream at her, “NOOOOO!” The
next available appointment wasn’t for 6 more days.

I spent the thirty minute drive home close to tears, imaging the worst, and
really upset. I cried with Chuck, he went to work, and then I started to fight.
Fight in prayer for the sake of my mind and soul. I began to put into practice
all I’ve been learning over the last month and a half of Bible study. Thank God
for Priscilla Shirer and her book, “The Armor of God”. Per her instruction throughout
studying the book of Ephesians (and many other books of the Bible!), I’ve constructed
several cards she calls, “My Prayer Strategy” cards. I have my prayer strategy
cards on hand constantly. Cards that are covered in Scripture, written by my
own hand, speaking words of Truth I use to fight the enemy’s schemes. And fight
hard.

So I began to fight in prayer for peace, trust, and rest in the Spirit. This
is part of what I’ve been fighting with, “2 Thessalonians 3:16 ‘May the Lord of
peace Himself give you peace ALWAYS in every way. The Lord be with all of you.’
Jesus, you are the Lord of peace. You have equipped me with weapons to fight
for peace. ‘The weapons of my warfare are powerful through you God for the
demolition of strongholds.’ 2 Corinthians 10:4-5. May I shout, ‘My God reigns!’
Isaiah 52:7 until you actually do reign in my mind and heart and circumstances.
Anytime I feel worry or anxiety or fear creeping into my heart that is my cue
to turn my attention to you God!”

In her book, Priscilla used Philippians 4:6-7, Colossians 3:15, and Isaiah
26:3-4 to help me further construct my prayer strategy. On the back of my card,
this is what I have written, and how I now pray, “Pray. Trust Jesus. Be
grateful. Watch Jesus’ peace swell in my experience. (Trust and express
gratitude = experience peace of God that surpasses all understanding.)”

So, I prayed and asked God to allow my mammogram to be completely normal.
Then I felt an idea begin to swell in my spirit that God was allowing me to
have this test done so I could finally have peace of mind after several months
of worrying over this thing. In response to this, I began THANKING God He was
giving me this gift. I thanked Him for many other things, and the list of all
that I have to be grateful for in this situation began to pour out of my mouth.

I’m on Day 3 now, and I can actually say confidently the Spirit’s peace has
been residing in my mind and heart and soul. I have great hope that on Tuesday
I will find out good results, and I’m already thankful for what He’s been showing
me during this potentially agonizing time.

The shoes of peace are real, everybody. I recommend getting yourself a pair.

***

As mentioned above, I wrote the first part of this post on Saturday.
Last night things got much harder for me as I began anticipating the mammogram
this morning. After 6 long days of waiting, I just wanted to get it over with.
They really shouldn’t do that to women.

This morning I walked audaciously into that women’s center and told my good,
good God, “Even if I have cancer, I know you will use it for my good. For your
good.”

After an hour and a half and two different types of imaging, I waited
shaking on my chair in one of the side rooms. The woman looked at me, shared
the results, and I burst into tears. I was overwhelmed. The results were
normal, and they want to see me when I’m 40. Thank you Jesus!

What a journey this has been for the past few months. I praise Jesus for his
sweet grace to allow me to have the imaging done so I can finally enjoy the
precious gift of peace of mind.

Jesus is real, everybody. I recommend loving Him with everything you have.