I had been sitting at the dining room table, chatting away with family when I saw the text from my friend. ANOTHER friend getting pregnant made me feel like I had bricks in my stomach. My heart sank all the way down to my toes. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t have anything left in me. I felt defeated. Hopeless. I’m sure I said the expected things like “Oh wow! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!” (Gag.) But I honestly wasn’t that happy for her. I just mourned my losses all the more.

It was OK that I wasn’t happy for her. I put myself on way too many emotional guilt trips over my lack of enthusiasm for the other girls in my life getting pregnant. OF COURSE I WASN’T HAPPY. I’m only human. I was kind. I was respectful. I was loving. But I didn’t have to be happy. It was OK that I was disappointed, or sad, or mad.

A couple days later Chuck and I visited the church I grew up in with my parents. After the service I saw a woman who has meant a lot to me over my growing up years walk towards me. Since I had moved away years before, I hadn’t seen her much. I even wondered if she remembered me. Jeni had a huge smile on her face as she approached me saying she’d like to talk.

My eyes welled up with tears as I briefly described the deep losses and ache in my life. It had come to Jeni’s attention that I had always believed I was going to live a painful life. She had been praying for me, and wanted to tell me to stop believing that lie! She actually asked God for a chance to talk with me, and I showed up at the church. Jeni didn’t even know I was in town. Crazy enough, it was her last Sunday at that church before she moved to FL.

Her message was that God, in fact, wanted to pour out His blessings, His favor, and His goodness on me. Then she prayed over me in a way I’ve never been prayed over. Chuck joined us in the middle of the prayer, and the three of us stood surrounded by The Spirit in an almost tangible way. I could feel His presence wash over me. One of the first things she said was, “God, you’re in a good mood.” It blew Chuck and I away. I never pictured God in a good mood. More like Him looking angry, shaking His fist, and wanting me to get it right. Picturing Him that way was all part of the lie that controlled me. Jeni prayed in faith against those lies.

Then she prayed over my empty womb. Both physically and spiritually. She prayed healing over my heart, and healing over my body. She blessed me. She blessed Chuck. She blessed us. We drove away from the church building that day feeling riveted. The Spirit breathed life into my dead heart. A spark of hope began to ignite in the darkest corners of my soul. Jesus came that day. He came through Jeni.

Three weeks later I was back in that same bathroom. The one where I had laid agonizingly on the floor in sobs. This time, as the seconds ticked by after taking my millionth and one pregnancy test, something different happened. Something so unbelievable, Chuck really didn’t believe it! THERE WAS A FAINT BLUE LINE! It was very faint, but very blue. Jesus was there.

See the faint blue line that crosses over the dark blue line in the big box?!

Chuck needed to see the word to believe it!

Jeni meeting Jase for the first time- she prayed over him, of course!